These are the
WORLD FAMOUS HAGGiS Tour Guides. Highly trained, Highly entertaining, and Highly passionate & professional locals who are your historians, comedians, weather forecasters, storytellers & DJ's all rolled into ONE! Watch the clip and see Rab an Old Haggis Guide doing the
NESSIE HAKA
Matthew
Name: Matthew/Matt
Role: Trainee Driver Guide
Home Town: Perth, Scotland
Travelled around: Europe, USA and a wee bit of Africa
Greatest Achievement: Getting out of the rat race
Favourite Joke: What do you call a 3 legged donkey? A wonkey!
Favourite Song: Thankyou - Alanis Morrisette
Favourite Book: Johnathan Livingston Seagul - Richard Bach
Favourite Pub anywhere: Anywhere with good friends, beer & music
Favourite Scottish Pub: DITTO
No.1 place in the world: Here
No.1 Scottish place: DITTO
Most embarrassing Moment: I was doing a "mick take"on the Chippendales dance in the rental room......Didn't see my class arrive early!
Kyle
Name: Kyle
Role: Guide
Home Town: Edinburgh (but live with the weegies in Glasgow)
Travelled around: Europe, OZ, NZ, America, the cook islands, Hong Kong, Scotland
Greatest Achievement: Jumping out of a plane at 15000 ft!! I was BRICKING it!!
Favourite Joke: I only remember dirty jokes…… but here’s a clean one….
Q: Why was the washing machine laughing so hard?
A: Because he was taking the piss out of the underpants.
Favourite Song: Flight of the Conchords
Favourite Book: ‘Porno’ by Irvine Welsh
Favourite Pub anywhere: ‘Salty’s’ Bay of Islands, New Zealand or ‘Whatever Bar’ Rarotonga, Cook Islands
Favourite Scottish Pub: ‘Kinloch Hotel’ Blackwaterfoot, Isle of Arran or ‘Viper’ in Glasgow
No.1 place in the world: Milford Sound, New Zealand and Muri’s Beach, Rarotonga
No.1 Scottish place: Shiskine Golf Course (the 4th green, to be specific), Blackwaterfoot, Isle of Arran
Most embarrassing Moment: Getting locked out of my dorm in Auckland Central Backpackers wearing my tightest white boxer shorts……… of course I had to get the elevator down to reception and ask the 22stone maori security guard to let me back in, just as a bus full of American students arrived to check in. Happy days!!
Gill
Name: Gill
Role: Driver Guide
Home Town: Luss
Travelled around: Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, Eastern Europe, Tanzania, Greece, Turkey
Greatest Achievement: Summiting Kilimanjaro
Favourite Joke: 2 elephants fall off a cliff......Boom, Boom!
Favourite Song: Sweet Child of Mine, Guns 'N' Roses
Favourite Book: Any! I read everything!
Favourite Pub anywhere: Mishnish, Tobermoray
Favourite Scottish Pub: DITTO
No.1 place in the world: Queenstown NZ
No.1 Scottish place: Loch Lomond
Most embarrassing Moment: Far too many to recount!
Dan
Name: Dan
Role: Driver Guide
Home Town: Stirling
Travelled around: UK, Alps, Oz
Greatest Achievement: Still Alive!
Favourite Joke: ask me on tour?
Favourite Song: Stairway to heaven Led Zep
Favourite Book: Nuts, Zoo
Favourite Pub anywhere: Clachaig Inn, Glencoe
Favourite Scottish Pub: DITTO
No.1 place in the world: Kinloch Horn, Highlands
No.1 Scottish place: DITTO
Most embarrassing Moment: Day 3 at Haggis and ruining my face on a gate.
Chris
Name: Chris/Rod
Role: Guide
Home Town: Edinburgh
Travelled around: Europe, OZ, NZ
Greatest Achievement: I cook a mean Lasagne
Favourite Joke: Little Johnny jokes
Favourite Song: For the love of money O'JAYS
Favourite Book: 1984, Orwell
Favourite Pub anywhere: Wee pub in San Quirico, Tuscany
Favourite Scottish Pub: Carriers Quarters, Leith
No.1 place in the world: The Olgas, Australia. Milford Sound NZ
No.1 Scottish place: River Tweed, Mertoun - Dryburgh
Most embarrassing Moment: Walking out of the front door, nothing but boxers on, 3am, looking for 'POWER'
Ped
Also known as: Peter
Role: Driver/Guide
Home Town: Bearsden (terribly posh suburb of Glasgow)
Travelled around: A summer working on a camp in upstate New York; just shy of a year working and travelling in Australia, then to N.Z. and Fiji.
Greatest Achievement: Snogging the love of my life (a flame-haired temptress called Amy) at my school prom when I was eighteen.. my first kiss! Err perhaps this should be in the most embarrassing section?!…
Favourite Joke: In a field of cows, how do you know which one is on holiday? It’s the one with the wee calf..
Favourite Song: Got to be ‘Dancing In The Dark’ by the Boss..
Favourite Book: ‘His Dark Materials’ by Philip Pullman
Favourite Pub anywhere: The good ol’ PBH (Pyremont Bridge Hotel), Sydney.
Favourite Scottish Pub: The Pear Tree, Edinburgh.
No.1 place in the world: Beachcomber Island, Fiji
No.1 Scottish place: Catacol, Isle of Arran (West Coast)
Most embarrassing Moment: Looking like a panda for about three weeks after drunkenly smacking my face on a pavement. Happy days.
Laura
Name: Laura
Role: Driver/Guide
Home Town: Inverness
Travelled around: South Africa, OZ, NZ, Russia, USA, Finland, France, Germany, Netherlands, Italy, Slovenis, Hungary, Greece
Greatest Achievement: The Highland Cross 50 mile running and cycling duathlon in 2007!
Favourite Joke: Did you hear about the magic tractor? - It turned into a field!!!!
Favourite Song: 99 In the Shade, Bon Jovi
Favourite Book: The Duck Street Gang, Dennis Marray
Favourite Pub anywhere: Cibo Matto, Stuttgart (Fantastic Swimming Pool Cocktails)
Favourite Scottish Pub: Whistle Binkies, Edinburgh
No.1 place in the world: St Kilda
No.1 Scottish place: St Kilda
Most embarrassing Moment: Meeting Kasey Chamber's Dad after a concert in Glasgow and telling him the song "Stacey's Mom" should be re-named after him!!
Martin
Name: Martin
Role: Driver/Guide
Home Town: Dunbar
Travelled around: Scotland, France, Spain, Malta, Chile, Argentina, Peru, My house
Greatest Achievement: Falling off a swing age 7, falling off a cliff age 20, graduating, living and working in S. America for 1 year, getting married, being fluent in several languages!
Favourite Joke: Two pigs in a pen. One says to the other "where did all this ink come from?"
Favourite Song: Endless Summer and Move Your Ass by Scooter. RAVE ON!!!
Favourite Book: All Quiet on the Western Front
Favourite Pub anywhere: The Pale Irish Bar, Tours, France.
Favourite Scottish Pub: Castle Arms, Tron, Jolly Judge, Deacon Brodies (Edinburgh) , Goldenstones!! (Dunbar)
No.1 place in the world: Macchu Pichu
No.1 Scottish place: Dunbar Castle
Most embarrassing Moment: Being asked for ID when I went to buy a lotto ticket, aged 26...!!
Fergie
Name: Fergie
Role: Driver/Guide
Home Town: Lochgoilhead
Travelled around: 100's of places!
Greatest Achievement: Straight A's at HAGGiS School!
Favourite Joke: What goes 'AAA' - A sheep with no lips
Favourite Song: mmm bop, Hanson
Favourite Book: Harry Potter
Favourite Pub anywhere: Mishnish, Tobermory
Favourite Scottish Pub: as above
No.1 place in the world: Glencoe
No.1 Scottish place: as above
Most embarrassing Moment: Walking in on my flatmate and his boyfriend Rodney getting it ON on the couch!
Greg
Name: Greg
Role: Driver/Guide
Home Town: Houston (nr Glasgow)
Travelled around: 50 Odd countries and a few normal ones
Greatest Achievement: Passing Cycling Proficieny Test - aged 10 (at the 2nd attempt)
Favourite Joke: 2 Fish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"!!
Favourite Song: 'You must have been a beautiful baby', my Grandpa
Favourite Book: Catch 22, Joseph Heller
Favourite Pub anywhere: Ice Bar, Stockholm
Favourite Scottish Pub: Burke & Hare, Edinburgh
No.1 place in the world: Tikal, Guatemala
No.1 Scottish place: Ibrox Stadium
Most embarrassing Moment: Accidently flashing 20 monks at the Grand Palace in Thailand! oops
Russell
Name: Russell
Role: TRAINEE Driver/Guide
Home Town: Kilmarnock
Travelled around: Europe, Thailand, OZ, NZ, USA, Canada
Greatest Achievement: Getting the job with HAGGiS!! - Oh and terrifying 'Nevis' Bunjee Jump NZ
Favourite Joke: An Irsihman was struggling to do a jigsaw puzzle when a Scotsman walked into the room. "Can you help me with 'dis jigsaw?" asked the irishman, "it's supposed to be a tiger!". The Scotsman just sighs and puts the frosties back in the box
Favourite Song: 'Joker and the Thief' - Wolfmother
Favourite Book: 'Porno' by Irvine Welsh
Favourite Pub anywhere: Your Fathers Moustache - Halifax, Nova Scotia (for the name alone)
Favourite Scottish Pub: Paris Match - Kilmarnock
No.1 place in the world: Milford Sound, NZ
No.1 Scottish place: Lochranza, Isle of Arran
Most embarrassing Moment: Tearing my ankle ligaments in Waitomo Caves, NZ. Maori tour guide had to carry my for 2 miles like a big baby (V.Embarassing!)
Colin
Name: Colin
Role: Driver Guide
Home Town: Biggar
Travelled around: USA, Spain, France, Ireland, Turkey
Greatest Achievement: Winning the sack race at School Sports Aged 11 (He's never been in the sack since!)
Favourite Joke: Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CD's? In Iraq!!
Favourite Song: Everlong - Foo Fighters
Favourite Book: Glue - Irvine Welsh
Favourite Pub anywhere: Cowboy Bar - Jackson, Wyoming
Favourite Scottish Pub: Rose Street Brewery - Edinburgh
No.1 place in the world: San Juan Islands
No.1 Scottish place: Fir Park, home of Motherwell FC (poor poor boy!)
Most embarrassing Moment: I found myself homeless one night so I decided that climbing a 3 story ladder while wearing a skirt just to break into some college accomodation was the best idea in the world. I didn't look down so I don't know who saw.
Dougie
Name: Dougie
Role: Driver/Guide & Operations Supervisor
Home Town: Galashiels
Travelled around: OZ, NZ, USA, Europe, Asia
Greatest Achievement: Galashiels Chess Club, Runner Up 1982
Favourite Joke: What goes hahahahabonk? A man laughing his head off
Favourite Song: Roads, Portishead
Favourite Book: The Crow Road, Iain Banks
Favourite Pub anywhere: Auld Mill, Gala
Favourite Scottish Pub: As above
No.1 place in the world: Whitsundays, Australia
No.1 Scottish place: Skye
Most embarrassing Moment: A daily occurance